Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Life with four
The past two months I have managed to post a lot of pictures and not a lot of how we are really doing. It is easy to post pics of the happy times of life lately, but that has not been reality. These past two months have been an adjustment that I am not sure will get any easier anytime soon. I have tried to stay positive, but post partum depression has made it hard to keep from breaking into tears at any moment. My house always looks like a tornado, and after the kiddos are in bed I am way too exhausted to do much cleaning. I hate living in chaos and always feeling overwhelmed with all that is going on. There have been tempers flaring all around, never thought I had this short of a fuse. Over the years I have lost the ever patient Jill and have been replaced by someone I care to not be at times. The other three kids have gotten more needy and aggressive. Poor Wesley has gotten his face pinched and scratched a number of times. Chandler seems to be the only one that does not have to be in Welsey's face all the time, poor kid can hardly eat without someone in his face poking him. Luckily for the most part he is a mellow baby. For some reason it takes him forty minutes to get through a feeding. We have gone from milk to soy, them back to milk. The last few days he has started to spit up a ton, when he has never done that before. You would think by the time you get to the fourth you would have everything down, I guess not in our case. I have never been one to want time to go quickly and now I am. Just thinking about winter and all the sicknesses we are bound to get almost gives me an anxiety attack. This is one depressing post, but I guess it is better to get these things out in the open. I am hopeful that things will turn up, they have just go to, right?
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5 comments:
Oh Jill I'm so sorry. Your thoughts sound just like my experience after I had Grant. I hope you talk with your doctor about the depression. Don't just hope it will pass. The anxiety, anger, tears, feelings of guilt are all too familiar sounding and can be greatly decreased with some intervention. Take care of yourself and lean on those around you.
Rachel
Jill, I am so sorry that you are going through this! PPD is very real and very scary! I had it BAD after Alec, so I can totally relate. Like Rachel said, make sure that you talk with your Doctor and try some antidepressants, even if it is just for a little while. It is terrifying to have those overwhelmed feelings! Know that the Lord knows you and loves you! Thinking of you and hope things start looking up soon!
We all have days like this which sometimes stretch into longer periods of time - no matter what everyones blogs show :) Even with only two kids I sometimes find myself being a person I didn't want to become. We're women and our hormones get whacked out sometimes. Hopefully the good times will return soon!
It will get better. I was seriously the same with Eden and I'm a little scared with the next one. Postpartum depression and anxiety is so real. I wish I'd gotten help sooner. I did the Zoloft thing for 6 months and it was beautiful and then weened myself to cope on my own. It's possible. If you have a moment to breath and want to vent, call me. I'd love to chat and catch up and be a listening ear. Love ya!
Jill, you are simply amazing!! I have never suffered from depression, but I do understand about feeling overwhelmed. I know right now might seemed like the eternity, but everything has a season, even the hard times will pass.
Take care, please don't hesitate to call. My babysitting after school still stands.
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